Most of us have had a stage in our lives where we have declared that marriage is for fools and that we wouldn’t be caught dead taking part in a ritual as abhorrent as marriage. Then we grow up and realize that being alone is not easy, especially with what the world has become today. A matter of physical needs aside, a partner is someone you need to stay sane, and that is the bottom line. But how does one go about getting into a relationship? It’s definitely not as easy as walking up to the person you like and just asking if she would be interested…is it? Ah, yes. In 2021, the need to walk up to someone has been abolished. Regardless, the concept remains the same. Approach the girl you like and declare your undying love. Essentially, that is indeed all that is needed to be done. But there are steps to be taken before that, be it for someone you genuinely want to get to know or for when you want to start looking for your soul mate. Don’t be afraid to make the first move, because no one else is going to do it for you. It is time for you to seize the moment and get out there. Take a good, long look at yourself and the things that need to be changed. Learn how to talk to women, think about what you want in the person that you would like to be in a relationship with and get ready to no longer be stuck in your bubble of isolation.
1). The Thought Process
This is arguably the most important step. To be able to get out of the comfort zone of being single and lonely, and realize that deep down, you still have the desire to connect to someone, is crucial. The desire to connect will act as your motivational engine, allowing you to go that extra mile to get the attention of the girl you like. The secondary part of this step is to realize your own worth. Often, when we yearn to connect, the next thing that pops into our minds is the debate about whether we are worth connecting to. The answer to that question is yes.
2). Work on Yourself
Establishing self-worth is an admirable first step to leaving the comfort zone of being alone. But it is not the end of self-development. Think about why people would be interested in you. Experience new things, test your limits, live your life. Start working on yourself. This way, you will be confident about yourself and not be afraid to pursue the one that you like. It is time to get out there and find love.
3). What Do You Want in A Partner?
Once you have decided that you don’t want to be lonely anymore, you must decide on what exactly it is that you are seeking from your partner. Do you want her to be complementary to you, like pieces of a puzzle? Do you want her to be able to bring out the best in you? Answering these questions and setting a standard is of paramount importance as you embark on this journey of self-discovery and love. It will help avoid making mistakes and looking too desperate.
4). Prepare Yourself for the Interactions That Are About to Come Up
It’s not going to be easy, going up to a girl you decided you like and starting a conversation which, you know has the chance of making or breaking it. To be able to do that confidently and with a chance of success, you need to be ready for it. Become a Sims character for a few days as you practice speaking in the mirror, going through different conversation starters and maybe even pickup lines. Have an idea in mind of how you will approach the girl for different situations. Now, this is not a war meeting; “strategizing” is taking it a bit too far. All that you need to do is think about it and invest in it.
5). Decide on a Time & Place, Part I
Keep in mind, this is before an official date. This is just when you are about to approach her for the first time. Pick a place that you know she frequents and where both of you will be at ease, in your comfort zones. Maybe a park or perhaps a library. No need to panic if she is surrounded by friends; the higher the stakes, the greater the reward.
6). The Approach
Here comes another crucial part. Stay prepared with icebreakers, preferably something about her that you like. Maybe a project she has been working on or a common topic you both are interested in. Running out of things to say when you approach her will lead to a train wreck and make any further attempts impossibly difficult because you will be setting up a wall of failure that you have to climb. No one has made it a rule that you must be the most dashing individual to ever exist on the planet. Know your limits and play to your strengths. Be calm, confident and collected. Let the conversation flow as you ride the current, steering it in the direction you want it to go. When the time comes, don’t be afraid to ask. For her number or for a date. Just ask. It’s quite simple, really.
7). The Art of Text Messaging
If she gives you her number, the ball is in your court. It is up to you to make the most of it now. Be careful to not appear too desperate or over-eager. Send her a message on the same night or the next day and begin working on establishing a base first, building a friendship. Casual conversations through text will also be a great way to find out what her interests are, as well as what she does not like. At all stages, be aware of any hints she might be dropping. Once you feel that you are comfortable enough, ask her out. Keep it simple.
8). Set the Stage
Once you have approached her and exchanged contact information, and possibly even planned the first date, it is time to start planning. Make sure she is free at the time you select, with no pressing engagements after. You want to keep her focused on the date, on you. Pay careful attention to any hints that she might have dropped during your conversations about her likes and dislikes, and plan your date around them. Try to incorporate as many of the things that she likes into the evening or day that you have in mind, and of course, avoid all of the dislikes. The ideal situation would be to find common ground between both of your likes. Be prepared to adjust for the sake of your quest for love.
9). Getting Her to Like You
An important part of setting up a relationship with the girl you like is to get her to like you back. It’s like one of those car engines that doesn’t start on the first try; it takes a few. Just as she drops hints about her own interests and dislikes, don’t be afraid to do the same. Let her know that you are interested by dressing better and taking care of yourself, compliment her about the little things that you take the time to notice. Go the extra mile, and it is guaranteed to give results, one way or another.
10). The First Date
A simple dinner is always a good first date idea, because the point of this is to get to know each other, not to mention that good food will almost always put people in a good mood. Talk to each other, open up and ask questions. It is important to look impressive on the first date. Invest in yourself as you have in pursuing the girl you like. Clean up, get a haircut if necessary, revitalize yourself. Do anything and everything necessary to make this a success. During the date, pay attention to the conversation, be a good listener. Be polite and friendly, but don’t shy away from showing her that you are interested. After dinner, maybe you could suggest grabbing a few drinks; a great way to get to know each other further and maybe be a little freer. In the end, the first date will give you a good idea of whether you two fit well or not.
11). The Transition
Spend time together and find out if you’re good for each other. Initial attraction might make you feel like you are, but once a relationship starts, things might change as new things come to light. Expecting her to be perfect is unrealistic, be accommodating. Your likes and dislikes do not have to be in sync, they can differ. That’s what makes it fun. The thing you should focus on is whether you are happy when around her. But accommodation does not entail letting her take advantage of you. Set boundaries and learn about each other, together. Asking someone to be your girlfriend is a big step in a relationship, one that should not be taken lightly. Be clear of your feelings for her before you take it.
12). Every Frog kissed is not A Prince (or a Princess, in this Case)
Be prepared to come across people that you will not be compatible with. Do not get frustrated when that happens, it is a part of life. You did nothing wrong in being attracted to her, so do not blame yourself. Be wary of the guilt, lest it traps you in a relationship that you do not want to be a part of. If you are the only one making changes and adjustments for the sake of a relationship that both of you are a part of, it is time to begin reconsidering your choices. There are no participation prizes waiting for you at the end; if it seems wrong, it is your responsibility to yourself to end it.
13). Assumptions are not A Good Way to Start
Whatever opinion you have about women in general, from watching TV shows or having spent too much time on the internet, throw it out the window. Do not go in with preconceived notions in your mind and then frustrate yourself when they are not met by the real people that you interact with. Your life is not a TV show or a YouTube video. Develop your opinions as you interact with her.
14). Be honest: to Yourself, to the Girl and to the Relationship
If she is not right for you, end it. It’s better for both of you. You don’t fall in love in a day; it happens over time. Time spent in great conversations, moments and experiences. Once you get to see all sides of the woman you are dating, and you think that yes, this is the one I want to be with, it is time to tell her that, not keep it to yourself.
15). Expect and Look Forward to Commitment
Let her know that you are ready for the next step. Don’t be nonchalant or casual in your approach and drive her away if she shows interest. Losing confidence in yourself is not the way to go. It is okay to be scared of commitment, because it is indeed a big step, in both of your lives. But it is also what makes it all the more exciting. The idea of spending time with someone you love should make you feel happy, not scared. Allow yourself to feel that.
Now that you are in a relationship, it is time to stop and take a look at your journey, and perhaps even into the future. Where do you think this relationship is going? How do you feel about each other? What is your favorite memory together? It is also a chance at self-reflection, because along the way, there have definitely been some changes. But this change, has been for the better.